Newsflash! This just in! I beat my high score on my game, Alien Invaders! NOW, you can try out 53!
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So here I am, sitting here watching Jack Dee on 'Dave', chatting on stickam about gay sex in London, and assorting my collection of toe nails by colour and size. WHEN SUDDENLY my cock begins to shake madly for no apparent reason, at this point I realise it is neither my mobile phone or my keys, it's my cock vibrating.
I hesitate at first, until it begins to hurt when it starts smacking against my metal belt buckle, but I can't move it, it's as stiff as a rock. So I run at the door attempting to unbuckle my belt and tear off my jeans and pants, when my mother stops me dead in my tracks.
"Whats wrong Lee? What you doing?" She said, but at this point I'm dancing around with my bellend popping out of my pants like a shrub out of soil.
"GET OUT MY WAY, MY COCK IS GOING MAD!" I yell in a painful tone, only to find I have already head butted her and she is falling down my stair case.
I begin to panic and jump in my shower, I begin to douse my cock in lubricants and baby oils so it will pop out like a wet fart. It's not working, and i slip on the lubricant and land straight down on my stiff hard cock. No doubt you think it would hurt, but it didn't, but I could feel a draft. OH GEE WIZZ GUYS, MY COCK IS IN MY DOWNSTAIRS LIVING ROOM, AND MY GRAND PARENTS ARE VISITING.
At this point, they are slapping my bell end around and pocking the shaft of dick pondering 'What the fuck is this thing?' I have no doubt neither of them have seen a cock in over 25 years so I too would be confused greatly in their situation. So there I am trying to rip my cock out of the floor viciously, screaming at the top of my voice "FUCKING CUNT, FUCKING BASTARD CUNT!" I eventually rip it out of the floor, only to feel the steaming hand of friction grasping upon the shaft of my cock, I begin to scream very loud and very high pitched. 10 minutes later I am cooled off and drying off my tears.
Now I creaming my dick up with savalon and wrapping it up like a ribbon, I took 5 minutes out of my christmas wrappings to tell you this vaguely interesting story.
YOU'RE FUCKING GAY IF YOU READ THIS ENTIRE STORY!
ok seriously, what the $@&#?
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